The Pinprick Man he hears you tapping.
Creeps up when you’re done.
Before you write another text,
Sticks needles in your thumbs.
If you persist, despite the blood,
He really gets quite vexed.
Heaven forfend that you should cross him,
And do not, ever, sext.
He’s a stickler for English,
He gathers up dropped vowels,
He finds the ones who ‘spk lk ths’
And jams them in their bowels.
Beware him when you on the train,
Or on your mobile in your class
For he will creep up right behind you
With a hat-pin for your arse.