Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for Tallywhacker Johnson and Penelope Cooze!
*Applause, which slowly dies down as they begin to play The Blues*
Can’t buy me a rubber. Not one that’ll fit.
Maybe if I’m lucky I can finish on her tits.
Oh yeah. I got them big nob blues. Whoa-oh.
Ain’t talkin’ ’bout my balls, oh no.
Talkin big nob blues.
I love my man. I love him of course.
But to take all of those inches I would have to be a horse.
Oh yeah. I got me them tight cooch blues.
Ain’t havin’ none of that, oh no.
Talkin’ tight cooch blues.
Ya think this is funny, laughin’ at my size.
You wouldn’t find it funny if your helmet bruised your thighs.
Oh yeah. I got them big nob blues. Whoa-oh.
Ain’t talkin’ ’bout my balls, oh no (though, Lord they ache).
Talkin’ big nob blues.
I dropped me some kids, I birthed them with ease.
But don’t come near me with that, oh lord Jesus hear my pleas!
Oh yeah, I got me them tight cooch blues.
Ain’t stickin’ that in me, oh no.
Talkin’ tight cooch blues.
In my desperation, I tried out for a porn.
To get me out took a caesarian and now the poor girl’s torn.
Oh year. I got them big nob blues. Oh Lord.
Cut me down to size please doc.
Talkin’ big nob blues.
My mouth it aches. My hands are fried.
Don’t mention anal because that ain’t ever bein’ tried.
Oh yeah, I got me them tight cooch blues.
Done never bothered with a kegel, oh no.
Talkin’ tight cooch blues.
Every night it’s the same, I have a wet dream.
I’d fold my sheets but they’d shatter before they’re clean.
Oh yeah, I got them big nob blues – no satisfaction!
Ain’t talkin’ ’bout my balls – though they’re blue.
Talkin’ big nob blues.
*Together*
Ain’t talkin’ bout his balls, oh no.
We got them big/tight nob/cooch blues.
*Jangly guitars*
*Applause*
Grim's Tales 