I have a reputation at odds with the reality of who and what I am.
This is peculiar, depressing and confuses a lot of people, perhaps me most of all.
So, how does a left-anarchist, wildly progressive (in the proper sense), libertine game designer – firmly ensconced in the bottom left corner of the bottom left quadrant of the political compass – get a reputation as TurboHitler? I wish I knew.
This stuff blows up with somewhat random regularity, when something slips through the social media echo-prison I’ve been put into and I become aware of it. Usually this takes the form of some cnidarian arsehole slurping out of the depths to spread an increasingly mythologised bunch of nonsense about me.
The nonsense varies, sometimes more serious than at other times, but what it all boils down to seems to be that I disagree with people and they can’t separate their opinions from their quintessential selves.
Other high crimes of mine include:
- Practicing tolerance, rather than just talking about it.
- Disagreeing – from a left-wing perspective – with Critical Race Theory, Intersectionality and ‘Grievance Studies’.
- Treating people equally, which they say they want, but actually seem to want special exceptions based on identity category.
- That I’m racist/sexist, somehow. Usually because I’ve called out bad actors who happen to be women or racial minorities, almost all of whom have turned out to be abusive and/or creepers in the fullness of time.
- Writing comedy books nearly 20 years ago.
- Writing adult content RPGs (especially Gor) and playing adult content RPGs (Tabletopless).
- Writing a blog nearly 10 years ago, in defence of free speech.
- Supporting an anti-censorship, pro-consumer movement the same way I dought The Satanic Panic, Jack Thompson, The Vampire Panic etc. Gamergate this time.
- It goes on, up to and including an accusation of sexual harassment/assault which appears to derive from mistaken identity, and was originally put to bed back when Google+ was a thing.
It’s all either bollocks, misunderstanding, mistaken identity or – seemingly – wilful attempts to mislead and misrepresent. None of the positive stuff I do is ever remembered.
What can one do about any of this?
Very little, other than vent.
If you ignore it, the rumours and myths spread unchallenged.
If you challenge it, your counterarguments are blocked, muted, deleted or somehow taken as evidence that you’re guilty (what?).
If you keep your head down and keep doing good things, like you always have, none of that gets traction and people you’ve never heard of are primed to hate you.
If you make do with the friends you have left, who have different beliefs to you but who you can tolerate and get on with, you suffer from guilt by association.
If you sue, they band together, pay off whatever you’re awarded against someone – with interest – and carry on collectively slandering you.
I’ve been harassed, abused and slandered by these sorts of people (conservative prudes and insufferable pseuds) since 2010 or so. Isn’t ten… fucking… years long enough to hold a misinformed grudge? There’s people who have put more effort into harassing me, harranguing my friends, sabotaging my projects and charity work, than they have their own relationships. This is not justified or healthy behaviour, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them.
The sense of betrayal and the unjustness of it all, the helplessness in the face of it, has driven me to the edge of suicide before now. If not outright betrayal, the cowardice and the lack of spine, the lack of benefit of the doubt from people I’ve known more than half my life. At the same time I’ve seen the harassment that people who do defend me or call themselves my friends suffer too. Some of that cowardice and betrayal is understandable – even if I’d never do it to anyone.
If you’re of the right identity category it seems you can leverage the slightest bit of harassment (or simply that status) into success, worthy of it or not. Yet a decade-long campaign of hatred against me counts for nothing, because white, cisgender, male, heterosexual etc.
It’s just not a ‘sexy’ story because of those things, and mental illness and disability don’t count when they’re in proximity to the badness categories.
Is it reasonable to harass someone for ten years straight?
To kinkshame?
To send them hate-notes and razorblades in the post?
To demonise them for their friendship with sex workers, and imply that friendship is untoward?
To take the time and trouble to create multiple email and social media accounts to harass someone?
To browbeat their friends into disowning them?
To pretend to be them on social media?
To force them out of anthologies of fiction?
To try and petition companies to never employ/publish/print what they make?
To sabotage their charity efforts to memorialise their dead friend?
To review-bomb everything they do?
To ‘warn’ potential new clients, customers and friends and to share blocklists so they don’t get the opportunity to talk to me themselves?
To lie about something so serious as sexual harassment or assault just to smear someone?
To call someone labels that are 180 degrees from who and what they are?
To belittle and question someone’s mental illness?
I’d say no, but what the fuck can I do about it; other than whine occasionally for a scant scintilla of catharsis?
I’m genuinely asking. I seem to be expected to just lie back and let it happen. Whether or not I try to be calm and pleasant, or I lose my temper, it seems to make no difference. I think I’m allowed to be angry after ten years of this bullshit, don’t you?
Why doesn’t the hell I’ve been put through by these cunts mean anything?
How do you fix it?
Apologse? I’ve done nothing wrong, and that would violate my principles (an apology should be meant, heartfelt, and you should have done something genuinely wrong to apologise for). Nor do apologies make any difference.
Violate all my principles and standards to get along with people?
Keep my trap shut, until I can’t stand it any more?
What!?
You need to put this out wherever you can.
Reblogged this on The Esoteric Order of Nerdity and commented:
This fucking breaks my heart. I wish people wouldn’t badmouth Grim like this. For fucks sake this is the same reason people who believe in Mythological creatures like Gods, spirits, faeries, angels and etc. I really wish people could change but humans are ignorant little apes and they will believe the things they want to believe no matter the evidence. Sadly I don’t think anyone can change that barring augmentation of their brains or whatever the hell could exist in our future.